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Entry #54

Break from NG

2017-07-20 12:28:12 by SnowTeddy

I regret that through out years I had not built a fanbase outside of NG. Most of them are just anonymous posting here and there, probing for random experimental projects, including ARMA 3 Resist. And when I decided to leave here, it's maybe time to consider that I should stop depending on this community.


I used to consider NG to be my home. Where things and places are neccessary warm and welcoming. NG is where I first made my beginning stance on sharing music. It was a great platform for newbie musicians. But I'm not newbie anymore. I hate to consider myself as experienced composer, but look like time has outgrown my thought. I thought, I could be one of the few last veteran composers standing in this community and reaching out to help and comfort new musicians.

But then enters the community. It has always been a hit and miss with this community. Non-stop drama. Like if the shit was hilarious then I wouldn't say anything. Just endless childish drama, dragging from one to another. And like a friend of mine used to say: "A bunch of grown-asses acting like manchilds". This is what happened to this community. NGAP can never grow beyond the boring infighting, jealousy, envy, hatred and backward thinking, that these people all believed other more mature and experienced users are out to get their asses.

Everyone here, especially the mods and the current contest judges, both have their own little world and fantasy. Delusion into believing the world would revolve around them all the time. I was easy going with some of the people on here, the top brass, but I could never get close to them no matter how hard I tried. They have their own ego bubble and aura of self-importance that you might as well as avoid them. What I was thinking even tried to be friend with them.

Evidently how they shot down Peter Satera because he was giving advices. Yes all he did was giving criticism to the contest. What was the reply? Like if they were attacking the topics, then I wouldn't say shit. But they were attacking him, like ad hominem straight ahead. Interesting matter is this happened in the past, where Peter did exactly the same thing, giving complaint and advice in another NGADM and got shot down.

People don't feel for other. They at least should have some manner. But nah it's "power trumps experience". And that's what happening here. I'm gonna say all these shit before they come for my ass. People are leaving. And many of them are my friends. It's sad to see the state of things have to end here. Not just sad, but disappointing.


I'll start bulding fanbase on other platforms. Will definitely be way smaller than NG, but at least I know that I could stay away from these toxic drama. Now that I have much more experience than 10 years ago, it's definitely time to move on.

I'm thankful for all the help, advice, support and work come from amazing people like backwardecho, BlueOceans, Mattashi, larrynachos, TheOverGhoul, Ceevro, Ectisity, Chrono, Megabit (MithyxSounds), MysticsSkillz, JacobCadmus... Many thanks to Kelpalots for her awesome knowledge and experience. Big thanks to RealFaction, at least he stays true to his heart. And ForgottenDawn for being a guidance. And this five people that I respect and admire the most, that their talents and heart always deepest: LSD, Jordi, Phono, SoundChris and Peter.

I know I said I had beef with the mods and judges, but there is an exception, Troisnyx. I don't blame her. She's emotional like I am and I feel that she's not intended to be angry or hurtful to people. And Trois' pasts are full of suffering, I understand they affect her current feeling and way of action. I put myself in her shoes and she's a good person. And now she's helping to make the community a bit better. I appreciate that. I still have hope Troisnyx can be the rolling stone that break this bad wall of drama away from the community. But that's just my opinion.


I will not delete my stuff here, unless the mods 'accidentally' wipe them out. They are Public Domain Mark 1.0, meaning free for any uses, or copyleft. And you do not need any permission from me. For the collabs, ask LSD for permission cos he hold the license right.

Take care, and well being for all!


Comments

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TheOverGhoulTheOverGhoul

2017-07-20 12:33:45

Good luck with life and i completely understand your decision. :)
Love you breh <3


AceMantraAceMantra

2017-07-20 15:43:41

I'm sorry to see you go. :(
Just wanted to say thanks for being a part of this community, and helping me come back to it. That's right, you helped. I was ready to give up on NG and music when you left a few reviews on some of my songs several months ago. That lead me not only to your inspiring music but also to an entire group of awesome people. It may seem like something small on your part, but it made a big difference to me.

Despite the difficult times you faced, you still managed to pull through and even continued to make music. Reading your inspiring stories helped me cope with my own difficult struggles, and lead me to believe that I could overcome them no matter how hopeless it felt.

Thanks again for all that you've done.


TroisnyxTroisnyx

2017-07-20 17:26:27

I was touched by what you said, but otherwise understand your reasons and decisions. It makes me sad, but if anything, it does strengthen my resolve to build bridges / slam down boulders in the way.

All the best -- and I hope you'll be keeping in touch with Lucid at least; I'll be asking him how you're doing if you're not online on Skype or something else.


KelpalotsKelpalots

2017-07-20 20:44:16

Honestly I've been off and on this community for since early 2004, maybe 2003. I came back with music to share given that I got kicked out of a community for being too professional as well, I'm not surprised you might leave from the drama... I hate drama too. Yeah, there was some tiffies back then too, and a lot of it had to do with content being provided for few, and less recognition for musicians once again. I guess this community has been through a lot while I pick off the cool stuff from here, like some oldies with that mammal wearing a shirt with a star on it, I can't remember too many details from back then, but I do remember how people hated the drama on here and how recognition was a main issue. I'm surprised how many downloads and listens I get for some of my tracks, some not so surprised. But I don't get near the same love on soundcloud, it's pretty 50/50.


RemileOduenRemileOduen

2017-07-21 10:09:58

Oh my... That's partly the reason I only check the content and don't read forum itself. Less chances to be disappointed with people. It'so sad that it hurt you badly enough for you to leave. I don't know you for long and probably I don't know you at all, but your music is great and it's enough a reason for me to sincerely respect you. I wish you good luck, a neverending inspiration and, yes, well being.


ProjectAwesomesProjectAwesomes

2017-07-23 19:16:28

hey come on man you promised me you'd help me out ._. I was never self centered towards anyone. if all I was thankful of you helping me out. but you left me in the middle of it xD not cool. hope everything goes well. couldn't find you anywhere else but here sadly.


MithyxSoundsMithyxSounds

2017-07-25 11:17:21

Aww, that sucks that you're leaving. I'm glad you appreciated my support though!

Bye though, GL with the rest of your life! :)


EctisityEctisity

2017-07-25 11:50:47

Afraid this would happen :(. I've just recently noticed the problems with this community that you mentioned, and I couldn't agree more. Hopefully you'll continue to make awesome music, and please do tell us if you establish yourself on another platform :)


ForgottenDawnForgottenDawn

2017-07-25 13:03:52

I hope you come back soon. Sorry if we haven't exchanged many words lately, I hope to have more conversations with you in a near future. I understand your burnout.
Thanks to you for being an inspiration.
//FD


eatmeatleeteatmeatleet

2017-07-26 06:58:44

just make sure you do not alienate yourself (hopefully change for something better).


AzhtharAzhthar

2017-08-01 05:21:16

I´m sorry to hear that but I totally understand the reasons... I´ll definitely miss your stuff, though! All the best and good luck for your future!


S3CS3C

2017-08-03 00:43:18

I've always uploaded my stuff only here (where else is better?) but I stopped following the AP community in...2011 maybe? which speaks to my personality being incompatible there/here more than anything. and my interest has dwindled in much of the content here, but what keeps bringing me back almost daily is the great people I've been acquainted with. and there really isn't other cozy outlets like NewGrounds where I can keep in touch with them. I still enjoy being kept abreast of what's going on at personal level, mainly via blogs.

please do come back when you're ready. not just with your music, but with your musical and tech advice, and blogposts offering discussion over a wide conversational range. surely you can find solace in the hundreds of users who have followed you across your various accounts here over the years. good luck!


DarkRoxyDarkRoxy

2017-08-11 11:07:15

rip